If there’s nothing more American than apple pie, then there’s nothing more Texan than a slab of pecan pie, peach cobbler and buttermilk pie all deep-fried together.
That caloric chimera is just one of eight finalists for this year’s Big Tex Choice Awards, the State Fair of Texas’ annual battle of greasy affronts to nutritional sense. (The aforementioned Voltron-but-made-of-pies is called “Fried Sweet Texas.”) As any Longhorn knows, the fried treats are some of the best parts of traveling to Dallas for the Red River Rivalry. They are, in fact, the only good part of losing years.
This year’s other seven finalists competing to be named Best Tasting and Most Creative are:
- Chicken Fried Loaded Baked Potato — Served with ranch dipping sauce, but not chives, because that would be overkill.
- Deep Fried Breakfast For Dinner — An entire Shoney’s earlybird buffet crammed in a golden brown tortilla. Also queso!
- Deep Fried Texas Bluebonnet — Flowers are healthy, so this dish fries up a blueberry muffin stuffed with cream cheese and white chocolate instead.
- Fried Gulf Shrimp Boil — Everything is fried except the shrimp tail. Efficient handling means you’ll need fewer napkins and sustain fewer grease burns.
- Fried Sriracha Balls — Exists.
- Original State Fair Brew — Funnel Cake Ale — You can coat the rim of the cup with powdered sugar. Sorry, that probably didn’t register. YOU CAN COAT THE RIM OF THE CUP WITH POWDERED SUGAR.
- Twisted Texas Tacos — A taco stuffed with chicken-fried brisket and served with various fixin’s. Unlike many of the finalists, could actually be considered food by the classical definition of the word.
See photos of all the finalists here. And while you’re poring over this year’s Texas Longhorns schedule, decide whether you would rather share a toast of funnel cake ale with Charlie Strong or split fried Sriracha balls with David Ash after the Horns win.
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