Summer beckons, but before we can get to the sandy beaches and salty margaritas, we obviously have to finish our final exams first. And we will not be grading on the curve here.
So have at it with your No. 2 pencil.
1. Name the Longhorns athlete who had the best individual season in 2017-18.
a. Michael Dickson, punter and bowl game MVP
b. Mo Bamba, center and certain NBA lottery pick
c. Kody Clemens, second baseman, slugger and Big 12 player of the year
d. Doug Ghim, Ben Hogan Award winner and Masters low amateur golfer
e. Sophia Schubert, the school’s first first-team All-American women’s golfer in 21 years
f. Townley Haas, national champion freestyle swimmer
g. Bianca Turati, tennis’ top-ranked singles player
2. Which coach (not named Eddie Reese, who is the LeBron James of Texas coaches and in his own category) did the best job?
a. Tom Herman, who got the Longhorns in their first bowl game in three seasons and their first bowl victory in five years
b. Jerritt Elliott, who took his volleyball team to a 12th straight regional final
c. Karen Aston, who took the women’s basketball team to the Sweet 16
d. David Pierce, the Big 12 baseball coach of the year who won the league championship on the last day of the season
3. Pick the best single UT sporting event of the year.
a. Texas’ win over Missouri in the Texas Bowl
b. Texas’ comeback win over TCU on the last day of the season to complete a baseball sweep
c. Texas’ basketball win over West Virginia to sew up an NCAA at-large bid
d. Eddie Reese’s absurdly ridiculous 14th swimming and diving national championship — his fourth in a row. Where’s the statue?
4. Which coach had the worst year?
a. Tom Herman, who spoke boldly in August but went only 6-6 in his first season before winning a bowl game and securing the winning record
b. Basketball coach Shaka Smart, who’s trying to escape his “Coach Fitty” monicker after a pedestrian 50-50 record through three years and zero NCAA Tournament wins
c. Softball coach Connie Clark, who made it easy on athletic director Chris Del Conte and resigned on Wednesday
d. Track coach Mario Sategna, who was mysteriously fired in midseason (February)
5. Who was the most popular UT athlete of the year?
a. Linebacker Malik Jefferson, who was the social conscience of the football team
b. Guard Kerwin Roach, who was the glue for the basketball team and remains glued to it by smartly announcing his return to school
c. Guard Brooke McCarty, the Bun whose electric play and infectious enthusiasm (along with Ariel Atkins) paced the women’s hoops team
d. Linebacker Breckyn Hager, who is long of spirit and hair and looked really good wearing No. 60
e. First baseman Jake McKenzie, who’s made all A’s his entire career
6. Name the best Longhorns newcomer.
a. Freshman quarterback Sam Ehlinger, who’s a great leader but maybe too physical for his own good and too turnover-prone
b. Freshman center Mo Bamba, Mr. Wingspan whose offense we hope catches up with his defense in the NBA
c. Freshman backstroke champion Austin Katz
d. Redshirt junior closer Andy McGuire, who went from third baseman to stopper in his second tour of duty as a Longhorn
3. Kaitlyn Papp, the freshman golfer who teamed with Schubert to lead Texas to the NCAA championships
7. Which was the most compelling story of the year?
a. Michael Dickson winning bowl MVP — as the punter
b. Doug Ghim ranking as the only amateur to make the Masters cut
c. Texas making a smart move and hiring Chris Del Conte as athletic director
d. Bev Kearney’s longest lawsuit in the history of lawsuits
8. What was the most uplifting news of the year?
a. A winning record in football (finally)
b. A baseball Big 12 championship (finally)
c. Shaka Smart’s recruitment of a shooter (we pray)
d. Guard Andrew Jones’ courageous, inspiring battle against leukemia
9. What was the most distressing story of the year?
a. News that Scott Fisher’s weather report during football games is on the chopping block
b. First-round exit of the Longhorns men yet again during March Sadness
c. Baylor’s domination of Texas with three wins in women’s basketball (Get out the Kim Mulkey voodoo doll)
d. Recurring pattern of close football losses (USC, Oklahoma, Oklahoma State, Texas Tech)
e. Jerritt Elliott’s loss of heavily recruited freshman Lexi Sun, who transferred to Nebraska.
10. The most exciting incoming Longhorn for 2018-19 will be:
a. Guard Courtney Ramey. Please let him be able to make a basket.
b. Tailback Keaontay Ingram. Surely he can outrun Ehlinger as the teams’ leading rusher.
c. Forward Charli Collier, Ms. Texas Basketball and a Naismith Trophy finalist with a 31-point average.
d. Left tackle Calvin Anderson, a Rice graduate transfer.
11. Even though we like him a lot, the Texas coach on the hottest seat next season is:
a. Shaka Smart
b. Shaka Smart
c. Shaka Smart
d. Shaka Smart
12. The Longhorns coach destined to become a head coach somewhere else is:
a. New basketball assistant Neill Berry
b. Derek Chang, Tom Herman’s director of personnel
c. Interim track coach Tonya Buford-Bailey, who filled in well
d. Defensive guru Todd Orlando (He’s still here, right?)
13. The Longhorn who needs to live up to his clippings is:
a. Offensive coordinator Tim Beck (He is still the OC, right?)
b. Wide receiver Collin Johnson (Think USC, but for 12 games.)
c. Power forward Joyner Holmes (Don’t be Kobe.)
d. Cornerback Kris Boyd. (Be a baaaad man.)
14. The next Longhorns superstar will be:
a. Wide receiver Lil’ Jordan Humphrey
b. Forward Jericho Sims
c. Center Sedona Prince (or Collier)
d. Offensive line coach Herb Hand
The answers are all d. If you said d to every question, you get an A. Just like Jake McKenzie.