Ah, the Kentucky Derby. “The Most Exciting Two Minutes in Sports,” or as it should be known, “Three Hours of Looking at Women in Crazy Hats Followed by Two Minutes of Sports.”
In honor of derby day, we decided to poke around eBay and see if we could find some outlandish hats made especially for Longhorns fans. Our search turned up a disappointing number of hats suited for Churchill Downs, but there’s plenty here worth looking at.
Who knows, you might even be able to purchase all of these and piece them together to make a derby hat for next year. Or, even better, you could take advantage of the criminally under-served market for such trinkets and make a killing selling your own custom-made Longhorns-themed derby hats. (We can only assume it would take off.)
For the other 364 days of the year, here are some surefire ways to stand out while showing your Texas pride.
There may not be a market for Texas fans at the Kentucky Derby, but this hat has you covered for any tropical vacation.
We’re not sure about the chemistry here, and the flag looks a bit off center, but anyone who complains about Bevo and the Texas flag being paired together isn’t really a Longhorns fan.
We all love to give referees a hard time, but a little solidarity in the stands could go a long way toward getting a few extra calls.
We’re not sure how to feel about this one, and maybe that’s the point. Is that a grimace? A half-hearted smile? Is it supposed to invoke fear? This is clearly just supposed to be a goofy hat, but somehow it feels like a postmodern take on what it means to be a Longhorn.
Congratulations, you’re now $30 poorer.
And if you do decide to make your own Texas-themed Kentucky Derby hat, we did manage to find some sunglasses to wear with it.
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